Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
