Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
