Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
