she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
