True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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