He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
