Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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