Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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