God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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