I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
