I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
