Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
