Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you win again, gameday.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
