a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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