I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
