So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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