i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
