I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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