one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
