you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
