I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
