I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
