So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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