I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
