i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
