I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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