True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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