Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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