I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
