But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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