Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
