How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
