I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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