my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
