Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
