A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
