This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
