heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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