Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
