Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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