you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize