So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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