One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
