I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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