Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
