I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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