Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
