I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
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I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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