shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
