So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
