I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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