I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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