I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
