??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
