dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
we're so committed to being not committed
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
