Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
