It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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