But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Apparently you make a good broom.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
