It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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