Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
