I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He better not be in your backpack
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
