we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
