My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
