The maid of honor just puked.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
