Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
