you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
