I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
