he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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