all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
