You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Oh god it's open bar.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
