Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
