on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize