I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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