Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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