he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize