it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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