PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
