he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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