Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
