I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i believe in u and ur pee
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize