At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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