If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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