If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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