I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
