I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
