She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
