I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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