I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
